Military Families reflect on the end of the Iraq War
The nightmare continues…
From Pat Alviso and Jeff Merrick, Long Beach Ca. Parents of Marine who has been deployed 4 times
As a loving family, along with our son, who is a career Marine, we watched in horror when we invaded Afghanistan and the drumbeat for war lead into the senseless invasion and occupation of Iraq. Military families have paid dearly- over 4,000 of our loved ones are gone forever. Hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis dead. And it took all this time to finally get out of a war that should never have happened in the first place? People like us who are fighting for justice and against the misuse of our military are telling me they will believe it when they see it.
In our home, we take heart in the fact that our president has announced we will finally be out in December, even though this was a result of not being able to cut a deal with the Iraqi’s regarding troop accountability and that this was President Bush’s signed Status of Forces’ Agreement, not anything President Obama decided. Our son has been deployed twice to Iraq and twice to Afghanistan. He is scheduled to be re-deployed again in January. For us- and so many others- the nightmare continues.
The War Has Come to an End – for Whom?
From Susan Handle Terbay
Over 30 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I loved him from the moment I felt his movement inside my body and that love has never wavered. I nurtured him, taught him right from wrong. My life centered around him and his siblings.
That son went to war and returned a different son and I grieve. The military taught him how to take a life but not how to live a life after fighting in a war. The military taught him to disassociate his feelings – to become void of any feelings during a war but did not tell him how to allow feelings of love and joy to return.
The war I protested, the war that provided nothing to the world except destruction of humans from our soldiers to the innocents of the invaded country, has invaded the sanctity of my family and it never goes away. No one outside the family realizes the depth of wounds within our hearts as we watch my son’s struggles to heal and be normal in a society that praises him in one moment and completely ignores and abandons him in the next. We are his life-line and yet we are his enemy. It is a reality of so many military families of soldiers with PTSD. While my son suffers from PTSD – so too, do we as his family.
When the President stated that our soldiers were coming home from Iraq by the end of the year, I hesitantly smiled, waiting for the other shoe to drop and the conditions to be laid out. If it is true then what will our sons and daughters be coming home to in our country? Praise, of course; heroes, of course and then when all the glitter is gone what is left but a soldier and his/her family struggling to heal the wounds that forever bleed and to find laughter again when overwhelming sadness prevails deep within a soul. Society has a short memory and will turn on these young men and women if they fail to live up to our high standards of living. We used them and now we are done with them attitude has to end in this country and it is time we start to respect life of all humans.
The war is coming to an end but is it really?
When will we ever learn? Now is the time. Now let’s bring them home from Afghanistan. Now let us learn to live in peace and not have knee-jerk reactions that lead us to war and worse the loss of our young men and women – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Now is the time to be the country who leads the world in life and living in peace and not the country who leads the world in its destruction.
War destroys so much and it never, ever ends for those it consumes!
Gold Star Families reflect on the end of the Iraq War
In Our Breath and On the Wind
From Celeste Zappala, Mother of Sgt Sherwood Baker, KIA 4/26/04 Baghdad
I heard the news of the war ending late on Friday. It seemed an odd time to release such serious news, and made my family and I think that this news was being treated just as the war has been treated for years, it is inconsequential to the American public, a bad after thought not even worth a prime time news conference.
We lost our beloved son Sherwood Baker to the war that never should have happened. He died protecting those looking for WMD long after everyone knew they were not there. He never comes back, he never gets to watch his son grow up, there is no chance for correction, his life was blown out of him on April 26, 2004. We knew it was wrong when it happened, we know it is still wrong, he and the other 4478 soldiers should have never been in Iraq in the first place.
So we can rejoice that a day will come when soldiers will not be in danger in Iraq, and we can pray that all those injured in body and spirit will be offered the healing they need and deserve. Can we promise them we as a Nation will never again send them in to wars based on lies? I fear not, I fear the business of war will always require a market, and unless we are all powerfully vocal, the idea of wars of choice will perpetuate.
For me, within my soul, I will always be in the windy cemetary hearing the guns salute my boy lying in his casket on the ground in front of me; that moment is as close as my breath, as is the last moment I held him close to me.
Yes the war is over, and for some of us, it will always be in our breath and on the wind.
A Sense of the Bittersweet
From Diane and Neil Santoriello, parents of 1st Lt. Neil A. Santoriello Jr., KIA 8-13-04
We have a sense of the bittersweet. So many lives wasted. Our son was the 930th soldier to die in Iraq There have been more than 3000 deaths since his. What will be the final total? Somewhere there is an American soldier who will be the last soldier to die in Iraq. Survivoring families are scarred forever. We welcome our troops homecoming but we hope the government will give them the help and support they need. Now we need to bring our troops home from Afghanistan and use our tax dollars to do nation building at home.
Iraq…My Reactions
From Cheryl Felder-Stuart, mother of Cpt Arthur “BO” Felder, killed 4/24/04
I am Cheryl Felder-Stuart my son Cpt Arthur “BO” Felder, commander of the 39th Infantry from Arkansas was killed on April 24, 2004. I am happy and I am thrilled that no other mother will have to suffer as I have. I have had two heart surgeries and I had to take a medical retirement since my son was killed. When we told my mother her oldest grand son was killed in Iraq she died.
THANK GOD this is over.
The Iraq War is ending, but the work continues…
As military families, we rejoice when any troops come home, and we are relieved our loved ones will never again be deployed to Iraq. However, we know that the war is not really over, not for military families, not for veterans, and not for the people of Iraq. It is not over for families with loved ones who will leave Iraq only to be redeployed to Afghanistan. For the families whose loved ones never returned from Iraq, or who took their own lives, or who returned with significant physical and psychological wounds, it will never really be over.
The people of Iraq will still be faced with private U.S. military contractors and years of rebuilding their country. In Iraq, it is not just the military but the entire country that will have to deal with the physical and psychological wounds of war. To add insult to injury, Defense Secretary Leon Pannetta recently announced that 40,000 troops will stay “in the region,” meaning the U.S. could easily have troops back on the ground in Iraq at any time.
There is still a lot of work to be done, and the voices of military families are more important than ever. We must continue working for an end to the war in Afghanistan, for better treatment of our service members, and for proper care for all veterans. We must hold our government accountable and continue to speak out.
As always, we say: “Bring ALL the troops home now, and take care of them when they get here!”
Weird Math: 1 Percent versus 1 Percent
MFSO Member Paula Rogovin reflects on Occupy Wall St.
On Saturday, October 8, 2011, members of Military Families Speak Out stood alongside members of Veterans For Peace and thousands of other people at Occupy Wall Street. We were so happy to see so many people from so many walks of life. Here was a place where the messages like the ones we carried: Support our troops, bring them home NOW! were part of the outcry from the many thousands at OWS. Our presence as veterans and military families was very well received. Yes, we are part of that 99%.
Being part of that 99% has been a life-long experience for me. I’ve been a New York City public school teacher for 38 years. We, members of the United Federation of Teachers, have marched and demanded over the years that the City stop the cuts and offer fair wages – only to see mayor after mayor do everything possible to keep our wages down while the Chancellor makes over $250,000 and non-union employees get huge raises. Testing companies, the book publishers, and the tech industry profits are going up.
Two weeks ago, we saw the layoff of over 700 workers – workers who are desperately needed at our schools.
Strangely, however, members of Military Families Speak Out (MFSO) are part of the 99%, but we are also part of the 1%. How could that be? MFSO is a national organization with over 4000 members whose loved ones are active duty in the military.
“Less than 1 percent of the U.S. population has been on active military duty at any given time during the past decade.” (Washington Post. 10/5/11)
Military families have seen our loved ones serve multiple deployments, often with little dwell time between the deployments. We have seen over 6282 of our loved ones killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. Thousands of us have seen our loved ones wounded. We have seen our loves ones suffer amputations, traumatic brain injury, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and poisoning from Depleted Uranium and other toxins from US weapons. We have seen families torn apart by the traumas of these wars.
Our 1% is suffering directly from the wars imposed by the other 1% – the military industrial complex, the oil companies, big business – in collusion with many members of Congress who take multi-millions from industry lobbyists in exchange for keeping these wars going and going.
Our 1% wants to tell that other 1%, including many members of Congress: End the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Bring the troops and contractors home NOW. Take care of the troops when they get here. Bring the war dollars home for our communities – for jobs, education, health care, housing, and other services we need so badly. Meet the demands of the 99%.
— Paula Rogovin, of Teaneck, is with Military Families Speak Out, Bergen County chapter
Families prepare for challenges veterans face after returning home
Sacramento Bee
Sacramento area Military Families Speak Out (MFSO) presented a panel of experts to help local families cope with returning veterans struggling with a barrage of challenges: post-traumatic stress, traumatic brain injuries, substance abuse, divorce and a desolate job market.
And as many as 70 percent of the women and 40 percent of the men have been sexually abused in the military, said Carolyn Fink, a licensed clinic social worker with the Soldiers Project, Sacramento. “We have 18 veteran suicides a day nationwide, and that doesn’t count active military,” Fink said.
“The war will continue even after it’s ended for those scarred by their experience,” said Fred Guzman of Pathway Home, a residential care facility for 40 veterans in Napa. “The general public doesn’t understand that they may look OK, but their brains have been changed,” said Guzman. “One in three come back with some kind of social or psychological problem.”
They often feel they have two families – the family they left in the United States and their combat family, Guzman said. “Facing life and death is the hardest thing you’ll ever face; there’s nothing like it.”
Fink, who sees 8-12 veterans a week, said National Guard troops and reservists don’t qualify for medical benefits “if you’re not a wounded warrior.”
They often return to children who don’t know them, unstable families and loved ones walking on eggshells because they don’t know how to read their minds and moods, Fink said.
The veterans are often “very disillusioned about the world they live in and the service they provided to the country,” Fink said. “They realize there’s evil in the world, and they might see it in the mirror. And they suffer from a crisis of faith: ‘Whose God do I talk to? Whose God did all this s—?’ ”
The beefed-up GI Bill that pays for college “is a great thing, but too many are not ready,” paralyzed by fear, Fink said.
Some find it too hard to readjust to loved ones who’ve also been changed by the war. They prefer to return to their combat unit where they know what’s expected.
The experts met with several families who described how the wars have affected them.
Laurie Loving, a Davis peace activist who helped organize the event, said she was terrified when her son got married, enlisted at 19 and was deployed to Mosul in war-torn northern Iraq in August 2005.
“It took me 13 months to get my blood pressure down, I gained 40 pounds and went on disability retirement,” Loving said.
Many get married too young, unprepared for long separations and the stress of war – a prescription for heartbreak, Loving said. “My son and at least half the nine men in his unit either divorced or their girlfriends broke up with them during the year they were deployed in Iraq.”
Loving’s son, a team leader and a sergeant, was prepared to re-enlist until she bribed him with $13,000 tax-free – more than double the army’s re-enlistment bonus, she said. He’s since graduated from the Culinary Institute of America.
Loving was in position to help her son financially, but others parents can’t.
Many young people, approached by recruiters in high school, enlist because they feel they have no other economic options.
Terry and Jamie Meador of Roseville said that’s why their son Mike, 21, enlisted. “He was making $9 an hour at Starbucks, and when all of your non-collegiate jobs disappear, he felt this was a viable option,” said Jamie, wiping away tears. “He’s been in Afghanistan for five months. We don’t support the war, we support the soldiers.”
Zoreh Whitaker, who opened her home to the military families Sunday, said she’s seen families destroyed by returning veterans who’ve been charged with rape, kidnapping and other crimes.
Whitaker said her son Christopher served two tours in Iraq and now trains military medics. “He’s nervous, his leg’s constantly tapping,” said Whitaker, “but he likes the military, he likes the brotherhood. I’m a pacifist; I don’t want somebody to knock on my door.”
Vacaville’s Patrick Sheehan and his ex-wife Cindy got that knock in 2004 after their son, who entered the service as a chaplain, was killed in action in Iraq.
“I know exactly where he is; I won’t have to worry any more,” he said. “We need to bring them home now and take care of them when they get here. They deserve to be helped – they’re not charity.”
Read more: http://www.sacbee.com/2011/10/17/3984486/a-harrowing-homecoming-preparing.html#ixzz1bFtPmlAn
MFSO Member Wins Video Contest
Peaceful Tomorrows has announced two winners in its “Say Your Peace” video contest. Sarah Fuhro of Natick, Massachusetts, the mother of a soldier sent to Iraq and Afghanistan, was the winner in the adult category for her video, “Who May Vote for War?” “Making my first and only video was quite a challenge and I thank September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows for that challenge,” Fuhro says. “I also thank you for the voice of peace you have offered over these ten long years since the tragedy which destroyed your loved ones on September 11th. “If war is ever to cease, I believe, it will be because families refuse to participate in violence and revenge against other families. When we look into the eyes of the Iraqi and Afghan parents and children who have suffered at the hands of our military machine, we know their pain. When we see our children return home haunted by their wartime experiences, we have to ask, every day, how we can stop this terrible circle of violence and sorrow. “Many thanks for your work and the contest, which allowed me to suggest that the human family bears the burden of war, and our voices will someday join the world over to say: no more.” Sarah will be donating her $1,000 award to Military Families Speak Out.
September 11th Families for Peaceful Tomorrows’ “Say Your Peace” video contest grew out of a desire to hear how individual Americans think our nation can promote alternatives to war and to offer support to others seeking non‐violent responses to all forms of conflict, hate and terrorism. We believe strongly in the rule of law, and are committed to calling attention to threats to civil liberties, human rights, and other freedoms in the U.S. as a consequence of 9/11 and its resulting wars. We seek to promote U.S. foreign policy that places a priority on internationally‐recognized principles of human rights, democracy and self‐rule. The “Say Your Peace” video contest is part of Peaceful Tomorrows’ 9/11 Voices for Restoring Rule of Law campaign, funded through a grant from the Open Society Institute.
Art by MFSO Members: Reflecting on 10 Years of War
On this page you will find examples of art made by members of Military Families Speak Out, reflecting on their experiences over the last decade of war.
“I’ve Come to Take My Boy Home”
a play by Dave Lambert, MFSO Indiana – click here to download
This is a short anti-war play, with two characters, Vivian and Jerry. Vivian is middle-aged, with a son in the military. She has been an activist for several years, protesting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. As a teenager she protested the Viet Nam war. Jerry, her husband, is not so much an activist, but tries, as best he can, to be supportive of his wife. The play is about the stress and frustrations of military families who have loved ones fighting wars they do not support, and the feelings of powerlessness they experience as their leaders turn deaf ears to their pleas for peace. The title comes from the song of the same name, by Jym Mooney. It is written to be performed in front of cameras, no audience.
Poems by Joe Ramsey, MFSO Massachussetts
On Bombings and ApologiesAfter killing your wife
Upon maiming your children
And wrecking your life.
“I’m sorry,” he said,
“The missile, it missed,”
Then took a step back
when he saw your clenched fist.
“That damn missile went left
when it should have gone right
–It’s so hard to see straight
in the middle of the night.”
“Dear friend, know America
did not want you dead…
That missile was meant
for your neighbors instead.”
Yes, America, we can still offer you up
a death
after all these years:
A glorious kill
For all your patience and persistence,
suffering and sacrifice,
(for half your taxes, ten million airport pat-downs, a stadium full of hometown boys
Cut to shreds, and all those human stains on your nice clean boots):
Yes, we can still make good
on a promise,
Still bring home to you that sweet spectacle of
revenge.
(Not your son, it’s true.) But at least
this digitized dream:
a Special Forces play-by-play,
a broadcast autopsy
To warm your red, white, blue toes by.
For “In America anything is possible,
If we set our minds to it.”
Are you not impressed?
Does the site of these sublime wounds not bleed joy
Right into your skipping heart?
Does your tongue not swell with spit
and does your throat not long to gargle
on that distant mountain blood
like popped champagne?
Patriot pulses quicken, eagle spirits rise
Tugged by the dusty beards
Of skeletons
rattling across precious metal mountain tops.
Have faith, America,
Yes. We. Can.
Still. Kill. Man (andwomanandboyandgirl)
and keep promises, too, yes:
Maybe not those concerning Education, or Jobs,
Equality, or Healthcare
Or Life that amounts to more than cavernous debt…
But we can still deliver on corpses
And that’s not nothing,
is it?
So when you’re feeling low
(low enough even to rise)
Know this:
We are there to buffer and to buoy you up
With bodies blown apart;
These bombs can blast the paint off the canvas
and give us a fresh start.
In the name of God,
In the shadow of new tomb-towers
blocking out the sun
And all that is sacred
Of America and
doesn’t everybody love a good show
and a party too?
Amen
to that.